Some new words

At the risk of sounding like a sad git who has nothing better to do than watching cookery programmes of an evening I thought I’d share with you some new words I learnt last night, courtesy of Nigella’s new show.

1. Clumpage – possibly she was a fan of that annoying Tracey off of BB but in this case it refers to little bits of mixture not combined properly.  Apparently some clumpage is a good thing.

2. Leafage – definitely inspired by BB Tracey – any leaves (preferably the overpriced posh variety I’d imagine)

3. Moosh – I’m guessing on the spelling here, but “mooshing” appears to involve stirring stuff and other than that I can’t add much to its meaning.

4. Numblyness – clearly she was getting pretty excitable making this crumble by the time this word came out.  I’m not really sure what this means but if you don’t get enough “clumpage” you don’t get the right amount of “numblyness”……apparently

5. Nubblyness – not to be mistaken with number 4 above.  Again, the meaning of this wasn’t explained but as I recall it came out in the context of “leafage” so can’t be all that similar.  Again, nubblyness I hear is a good thing.

Ok – that’s all for today’s vocabulary lesson.  Next time we’ll be listening to more made up words used by telly people who should know better.  Bye bye

A couple of shows and watching gastric bypass surgery

Ok while I’m here at lunch here’s another opportunity to read my random ramblings.  First off, I had a couple of shows at the Bistro Rocque last week and they went pretty well really.  Thursday night was fab with a great hen night crowd in and an excellent night was had by all (even if I do say so myself).  Sadly, Saturday night was very quiet in the restaurant so sadly by the time 1am rolled round most people had cleared off, but hey that’s life in that line of work I guess.  Not sure when my next work is coming up but probably next month and then no doubt it’ll be getting busy as we head for the Xmas rush.

The title of this post probably raised some curiosity but I just had to have a “random rant”.  You know you get those programmes where they follow people who are having gastric bypass surgery.  Well how come all of those who do it on TV swear blind that their size has nothing to do whatsoever with eating too much and its all genetic really honest guv.

Soooo, how come they’re having surgery to restrict the amount of food that they can eat????  There must be something in their logic I’m missing there cos it seems to be a recurring theme in all of these shows.

The last one I saw had an extra highlight in it – the estranged father of this kid came round to visit and suggested she go on a diet – much wailing about it being genetic followed – and he ended up suggesting he pays for her to have a month on a health farm to which he reply was along the lines of “but at those places if I miss a meal I’d have to go without and they make you do loads of exercise”.

Aha – found her out.  She’s just an exercise dodger who happens to enjoy several meals a day.  Nice to have her declare that on national TV (well Discovery Real Time or something) and I’m sure she’ll be keeping that hilarious clip for posterity.

Anyway, should be off to do some work now.  Happy Wednesday all

The top 10 singles of all time

Well if the past 16 or so songs have been anything to go by then I ain’t getting my hopes up for much quality.  My wife reckoned Bohemian Rhapsody will be at the top – I’m hoping not but fearing she’s right.  Think Band Aid might not be a million miles away too

10 – Bryan Adams – Everything I do.  Possibly one of the worst tunes he’s ever released but hey it did a job for a film I guess and made me go running back to my “Reckless” CD to listen to “Heaven” which is possibly one of the best singles ever.

9 – Spiller / Sophie Ellis Bextor – Groovejet – wow I wasn’t expecting this to be in the list at all.  It’s not a wonderful track but actually its going to be one of those timeless tunes that is instantly recognisable from a particular musical era but will still kind of stand up on its own as being pretty good.  Reminds me of a fab holiday I had in Ibiza a few years back too

8 – Oasis – Dont look back in anger.  Aahhhh – now we’re talking.  I remember quite a fair few nights in Raffles nightclub at just before chucking out time listening well shouting to Oasis tunes with a beer glass in one hand and the other hand over the shoulder of someone you’ve never met while 20 or so of you all belt out the same tune.  Love it 🙂

7 – The Verve – Drugs Dont Work – another tune from the music to kill yourself to series but actually it’s a beautiful (if depressing) tune.  “Like a cat in a bag waiting to drown” is possibly one of the most miserable lyrics ever written but it’s still a fab tune.

6 – ewwww they’ve got a caption headed “composers of Stand By Me” – yup now here’s one song I hated when it reached number 1 and now I still hate it.  It’s terrible really.  Doesn’t even have the redeeming quality that you can dance to it.  Very poor

5 – Police – Every breath you take.  Now when i was a brat this seemed to be number one for months and months and as a result i hated it at the time.  And to be fair I’m not sure i’ve warmed to it any.  I do however appreciate it more as a result of the Puff Daddy and Faith Evans cover version (sort of) a few years back

4 – Abba – Dancing Queen – ok personally I don’t really like this tune, but like whoever is just speaking just said you can go to any disco or whatever and if they put this on the floor fills.  Yep it’s true I do play this and it fills the floor like little else.  Well that was surreal – I’ve just watched Peter Hook (of New Order fame) saying what a great tune it is too – does that make it officially cool or was he taking the urine???

3 – The Beatles – Hey Jude – nope this does nothing for me.  Can’t even be bothered to hate it.  The “na na na” bit at the end just goes on and on and on whilst I’m hoping for a decent tune to come on.  Now…..Please

2 – Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody – this is kind of like good classical music.  You can’t love it but you can sort of appreciate it without looking too uncool and of course you can get to do your best Wayne’s World headbanging at the appropriate point in the song – a fact rather criminally ignored in this segment about the tune – very poor effort by Channel 4.  I’ve never yet played this at the Bistro but I must do just to see if everyone will headbang at the right point.

1 – John Lennon – Imagine – ewwwwwwww not what i was hoping for at all.  Imagine is too dull to be a great tune isn’t it.  Yeah it’s well written and it’s mildly pleasant but it really doesn’t move me emotionally like a truly great tune should surely.  Oh well – maybe it’s me just being a bit rubbish in the taste department.

Well i’m going to crawl back under my rock now.  Byebye

Number One singles part 2

Let’s hope this picks up a bit cos it’s been a bit rubbish lately

24 – Louis Armstrong – Wonderful World – christ this is getting tragic.  Music to hang yourself by – lovely

23 – Michael Jackson – Billie Jean – I’m starting to wonder why I bothered with this.  When I was listening before around the 50-60 range the music was any good

22 – The Prodigy – Firestarter – well it’s better – watching a nutter prance about accompanied by a rock tune with a dance beat is an improvement at least.  Mind you I hated it when it originally came out.

21 – David McAlmont introduces the next one which (if I didn’t know it never got to number one in the first place) would have hopefully introduced McAlmont & Butler’s “Yes” – sadly it’s Bistro Rocque middle aged diners’ fave Gloria Gaynor – I Will Survive.  I’ll dance to this if really hammered but I’ve only had a bottle of wine and a large-ish glass of Baileys so I’ll stay sitting right here ta very much.  Next!!

20 – Manics – If you tolerate this your children will be next – What!!!! This got to number one??? It’s much to cool and good to get to number one surely.  Wow – some things can still surprise me eh.  Great tune.  A regular on my Ipod

19 – Procul Harum – Whiter Shade of Pale – I don’t get this one.  It’s kind of an ok-ish sort of tune, but in the top 20 singles of all time?? Nope mate – don’t think so.

18 – The Kinks – You Really Got Me.  Maybe I’m just not in the mood for old music, although that doesn’t explain me liking “Mr Tamborine Man”

17 – Monkees – I’m a Believer – an occasional tune in my set at the Bistro, although I far prefer the cover done by Vic Reeves.  Proves old tunes aren’t all rubbish.

16 – Soft Cell – Tainted Love.  Ahh ok maybe I’ve got it now.  At my age 80s tunes are generally “good” whereas music from most other eras generally tends to be “rubbish”.  So this one is “good” then – not great though

15 – Marvin Gaye – Heard it on the grapevine – I really don’t particularly like this tune.  Dont know why since its pretty unoffensive and quite dull actually but i just dont like it

14 – missed it – was busy reading Autosport

13 – Madonna – Like a Prayer – I hated this at the time since the religious imagery in the video seemed a bit attention getting (which of course it was) but now it just sounds like a half decent pop song.

12 – Robbie Williams – Millenium – whaaaaaaaaaat?  Who has been voting for this list – did they only allow members of the Williams family in or something?  This isn’t even the 12th best Robbie tune let alone the twelth best ever of anything.

11 – Sinead O’Connor – Nothing Compares 2 U – once again I absolutely loathed this at the time and now I wouldn’t exactly say I like it but I kind of appreciate the quality singing.  Have to say I was hoping for better from this list.  Dont know why though – if the Great British public can vote for a numpty like Brian whatever his name is in Big Brother to win a big pile of cash then they’ll vote for any old nonsense

Another break now – back soon

The top 28 Number One singles

Ok since I got nothing better to do (other than playing Football Manager 2007 and I can’t be bothered with that right now……and drinking Baileys but I can do that at the same time) I’m watching the top 100 1 singles on E4 right now.

We’re on 27 as I write this which is the unfeasibly dull Space Oddity. Boooo hissss etc.  28 was the Jam’s Going Underground.  Much better.

Anyway, in the same vein as previous musical posts on this space I thought I’d pass comment on the music heard and hope that one or two of you might care less what I think.  Earlier highlights were the rather excellent “Don’t You Want Me” by the Human League and the Byrds’ Mr Tambourine Man – both soon to be heard at a disco played by me.  I’ll probably post my mutterings every so often so as to avoid an even more long rambling post than usual – although I strongly suspect I’m heading rapidly towards both long and rambling as I speak…..or type…..or something.

26 Coolio – Gangta Paradise – gee this aint getting any better is it.  Ok they had the New Order/ England Footy tune on earlier – the one that had John Barnes rapping in it.  I’m not convinced it was a great record but it was interesting at least.  Ok – it wasn’t a patch on Three Lions but that is one of the best singles ever made – somehow I doubt it’ll be in this list though.

25 seems to have been replaced by Martin Luther King speaking – I’m sure it will become clear in a second………Norman Cook now – still no sign of a record……..ahhhhhh ok “Praise You” by Lardyboy Skinny.  Hmmmm – iffy song – cool video.  What on earth was the connection to Martin Luther King??? Strange…

And that’s an ad break so let’s post this and carry on watching and chatting elsewhere and maybe if I stay sober enough you’ll get some comment on the rest of this list.